have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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