38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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