i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't deserve a penis
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
