Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
