Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
