I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
