Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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