He asked to "fluff my boner.."
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
