As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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