oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
