chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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