First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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