Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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