Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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