dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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