she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
