dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
