its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
