Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
