she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
