I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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