i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
