i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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