turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
