I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
They took my balls.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
