You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
