Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
