I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
