It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
