I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
