He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She's the barista slut.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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