Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
