It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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