I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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