Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Enjoy the penises
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
