We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
