Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
