I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
