Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
