you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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