Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
