Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
