These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
