Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
