i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
