I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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