birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
