If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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