my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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