my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
id be glad to
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
