Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
