Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
