And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
His hands were made for my vagina.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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