You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We're too hungover to prance.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
